Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”

I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

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I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”

Why do flat Earthers still exist even though it is scientifically proven that the Earth is spherical?

I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

I vibrated my dogs shock collar while it was eating my other dog’s food and now it won’t eat. How do I fix this problem?

I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t

I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

I don’t buy bullshit

Would you raise your children like your parents raised you?

I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t

It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says:

What is the most memorable thing that happened in your college days?

I see through liars

I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”

I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.

If I get served by someone else's papers, am I legally required to inform the person that they got served, or the court that they served the wrong person?

I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t

If my boyfriend watches porn, does it mean he doesn’t think I’m good enough? If I am good enough, why does he still watch? Am I not beautiful enough?

I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is

I have an acute aversion to scumbags

I can count

What were the career paths of each member of "The Monkees" after the band disbanded? Did any of them have successful music careers?

Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet

I have complete contempt for traitorism

What is the irony of life according to you?

I actually pay taxes

When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability

If someone works for me, I actually pay them

— we are metamorphosing!

I know who the president of Turkey really is

I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity

I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write

Why does my best friend call me ugly and act like she’s joking, but today she looked at me and said “I wouldn’t lie to you”? What should I say back to her?

I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”

I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms

If James Bond is meant to be the best secret agent in the world, how come all the bad guys in the World seem to know who he is?

I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard

I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

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I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions

I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane

I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

I can read

I have a reading level above third grade

I don’t watch or listen to advertising

Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

I took the same Oath and took it seriously

I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

I understand how hurricane paths work

I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

I don’t cotton to rapists

I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup

I have complete contempt for fakery